I Will Not Apologize For My Apperance

Photo by Floris Andréa on Unsplash

“Sorry, my hair is a mess.”

“Sorry, I’m not wearing any makeup today.”

“Sorry, I didn’t feel like dressing up today.”

“Sorry, I wanted to wear comfortable shoes.”

“Sorry, I’m breaking out right now.”

I hear these lines often — from friends, from family members, from influencers I watch online and, sometimes, from myself. We are constantly apologizing for the way we look. Women are constantly apologizing for the way we look. Maybe we didn’t bother to style our hair that day, or we decided not to wear any makeup. Or, we just aren’t feeling our best. At some point, apologizing for our appearance became normal, acceptable, expected. If I present myself in a way that is less than perfect (who decides what perfect looks like, anyway?), that means I have to apologize. It means I have to feel shame for looking the way I do and for, somehow, feeling less human than those around me. It makes me less worthy and less beautiful.

We also live under the assumption that beauty is the goal, always, for all people. But, when I leave my house with messy hair and sporting sweatpants, my goal is not beauty. My goal is simply to be, to exist, to live comfortably within myself.

And why can’t we just be. Beautiful, not beautiful, somewhere in between, neither, or both. Why can’t we just live in our own truths, whatever that may be? Why can’t we as a human race recognize that “beautiful” is a notion, a social construct, designed to oppress people who look like me — a woman, a person of colour, a fat person.

Today, it stops.

Today I am making a vow to myself that I will no longer apologize for the way I look. I’m done with being told how I should look in every situation. I refuse to give in to the expectations that have been set out for me. I only care about the expectations I have for myself.

Those expectations include loving myself every single day. I expect to be able to choose beauty, to embrace that part of me when I want to, not when I am told to. I expect to not care what others see when they look at me. I expect to live my life fully, regardless of how I have chosen to present myself that day.

I expect to not feel shame for the way I look.

When we apologize for our appearance, this is what we are saying:

Appearance matters more than all the other parts of me. It trumps kindness, intelligence and compassion. What we have to say matters less (or doesn’t matter at all) if we don’t look good (according to others’ standards). Beauty only has a singular definition and never includes anything beyond the physical. I am beautiful or I am not beautiful, there is nothing in between.

Instead of apologizing, let’s celebrate.

Let’s celebrate our good skin days, even if no one else was around to witness it. Let’s celebrate when our hair falls perfect in place, even when we weren’t trying. Let’s celebrate the long, hard days that led to the “messy” days. Let’s celebrate dressing however we want, whenever we want. And let’s celebrate throwing all these expectations we have of ourselves and each other out the window.

I look how I look and I’m not going to apologize for it any more.